Beware of People who use you as their escape

Men and women come into each other's lives for many different reasons. There are those that come into your life with genuine intentions such as friendship, companionship, partnership, family etc. This post will focus on those species that come into your life pretending to be something else only to use you to fulfil their selfish wants. Ypu know that one person that you chat to almost daily but months go by without ever actually making time for each other? Yes, that particular person. I have personally come across this behaviour from particularly married men and I would like to warn my dear single ladies or single gents to look out for such characters. I know gents also have that one girl that always chats to them, pours out their life and troubles but nothing ever really materializes. Here's the deal, the people that do this may be consciously or subconsciously doing this. Some may genuinely enjoy your company ( which is often the case) but then you'll ask: what's wrong with that then? Well, this becomes wrong when you realise the following: 1. These people will speak to you at their own terms e.g. they are always the ones starting the conversation and expect you to respond with the same energy as theirs BUT should you initiate a conversationat at a time that is convenient to you, you will be met with an unanswered text for over an hour or day or so. 2. The conversation will almost always be one sided where you listen to how hectic their work is, what they want to do, their future plans, current plans (which by the way do not include you). All you can do about this is smile and be supportive. 3. They are hardly ever available for physical engagements, but they can chat to you all day without fail just dare not want anything more. 4. They will update you about all their goings on in their life, you will start to feel like you are part of their lives whereas you are not. its all a facade. They are not available, they are merely using you as their escape. Yes! this brings me to my point, an escape, that is what you become or are. An escape from their daily boring conversation with their spouse, an escape from their stressful day or life, an escape from their busy schedule that is packed with all the activities you may even be wishing for (date nights, fetching kids from school, birthday parties etc.), you become their virtual shoulder to cry on, their confidant because somehow they actually trust you with their secrets. You have created a very safe environment that makes you their first go-to person. They may throw in a charm here and there in your direction and you'll feel special. You must know that it is not real because nothing ever comes of it or nothing ever will. They will not share the nitty grittys of their relationship that they are so committed to yet feel a need to "escape" from once in a while using you dearest. There is a danger in becoming comfortable with such situations because nothing ever comes of it and nothing ever will. No one will leave their cushy life with a few bumps here and there and come join forces with your single self. Know when you are being used as an escape, Avoid being an escape toy or dustbin where married people with full lives (not to say that your single life is empty) come to dump all their troubles into. Do not become emotionally attached to such people because they are bound to leave you hurt and empty. Some are genuinely great people but great people do not use others for their personal gain. A virtual lover will not bear any fruit, remember that. The journey of a single lady continues, the lessons continue to come. Be vigilant always. Share your encounters.

Ladies, let's be honest

Ladies, let us be honest for a bit. There is no way that we are always claiming innocence after breakups. It is time we did some introspection and admitted to our contribution to the breakup. There is absolutely no way that gents are always to be blamed for our breakups. Have you ever sat back and asked yourself the following questions?: 1. How was my self-esteem during this relationship? 2. My decision making mechanism, did it resemble that of a lady that could build a home one day? 3. Financial management, did i manage my finances in a manner that expressed responsibility and maturity? 4. What did i ever do for the guy? Were there any ideas that you came up with? Or you just always waited on the guy to "entertain " you? 5. How are is your relationship with friends and family? Do you nurture relationships? Do hou go out of your way to be there for others i.e birthday parties, baby showers, funerals, weddings etc. 6. Do you look after yourself, healthwise? Do you care for your image? Do you care about the state of your house? These are some, but not limtied to, examples of questions you can ask yourself as a lady to check if you were honestly the good quality girlfirend that your ex would have appreciated yiu to be. It can sound meaningless to some but guys are often simple beings. They are not looking for their buddy, or child to look after. Instead they also look for a lady that loves herself, respects herself, cares for others, compliments their partner. Contributes positively in the building of a solid relationship. We cannot relax and expect miracles just because we are somewhat pretty to look at. The pretty face needs to be accompanied by a warm heart, cleanliness, good self esteem, sound and well thought out life decisions. As we move to new relationships or manoeuvre our way in our relationships, let us be mjndlful of our contribution. Always aim to buold and sustain. Love is the greatest gift of all. Let us nurture it 💞

How will you know when She is not that into you?

It has been years since i logged on here. i am still alive and well. Life is going on but certain things have evolved. I have come to notice that our dear darkie brothers (black guys) are still clueless when it comes to identifying signs from a girl that is into them from those who aren't. I once posted on this but i feel it i need remind a few people. It's 2020 and there is no way that I going to sit back and watch darkie brothers fooling themselves only to gain nothing in the end. So here are a few signs that one can look out for when they have been talking with a girl for some time but not much is happening: 1. If she never agrees to your dates that you have gone out of your way to plan, she probably doesn't want to be seen in public with you. This girl will often want to suggest things such as going out for drinks at loud places where no one cares who's with whom.If she agrees to your lunch/dinner date she would probably not make much effort to look good etc. 2. If she does not sleep with you (obviously this only applies after some time of dating), now don't get me wrong on this one. There are girls who have chosen abstinence, so you will need to understand first before you apply this rule. You often hear of girls that were not sleeping with their boyfriends during the 6 months of dating but somehow managed to get impregnated by another guy. it does not need to get to that stage if your eyes are open. Always remember to be respectful though whatever her choice is. 3. If a girl never asks you any personal question e.g. about your family, well-being, your interests etc. chances are she is self absorbed and does not really care about getting to know you. 4. If after you have shared your likes and dislikes and she continues to do the opposite at every opportunity, she is definitely not into. Girls like to impress just like guys. If we hear that a guy loves his toasted cheese sandwich, you will find us at a grocery store buying the most delicious cheese and the freshest bread to make you that special favorite sandwich. If you find that after some time of dating she is still not catching on what you like or dislike, that girl does not care much about you brother. 5. if she never initiates conversation with you after days of getting to know each other, she is not interested in your well being. 6. If she calls you by the following names: bhuti, abuti, bro etc. If she like you, she will even call you by your clan names or just use your name. 7. If she never cooks for you, this cooking includes even frying eggs for breakfast or even warming up leftovers. Forget it, she isn't into you. We are nurturer by nature and we wouldn't starve our men if we woke up with them. TBC