High morals, High Discipline

Being a single modern black lady continues but I'd like to share a bit about suppressed and forbidden feelings. The hard part of single life that no one prepares you for. My morals are sky high and i do not compromise when it comes to that, hard as it may be. Being hit on by married men is uncomfortable and disheartening until there is just that one that you click with on all levels. Emotionally socially, physically and mentally. Married men hot on me a lot more than single guys do(a sad stateof affairs) but I always stand my moral high ground. My motto is: if I were married, would I like it if my husband did that behind my back and everything stops ✋. I tell myself, one day I will be married and I want good karma only and so i sow a seed of goodness i.e. resist advances from married men at all cost. Now as much as i am this highly morale lady, this one guy i mentioned earlier almost made me lose my cool. The communication was on point, meaning we got each other. There was no need of explaining texts because both of us would get it. The humouor, the banter, the wit all flowed. Our conversations always left me with a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling. We didnt live far from each other but we seldom ever saw each other physically. For me this was deliberate because the guy has a family which i wouldn't want to bump into in awkwardness and honestly our interaction was only just chats (texts). We would joke around about meeting up for a drink or whatever but it never actually materialized but our texts continued. A day wouldn't go by without our texts which would go on until we both send goodnight texts. The texts were not overwhelming but rather a pleasant daily dose of smiles. Man, I could feel myself falling but I knew there was nothing of material that would come of it. At some point i honestly thought i was in love or we were both in love via texts, odd right ? or rather silly either way it felt good. I grew fond of the guy, he adores his family. Never uttered a bad word about them, a great dad, a hardworking and loving husband who still maintained date nights with the Mrs. Those date nights are precisely what made me realise that I may have developed a tad too much feelings for an unavailable guy than what I was supposed to. Was i even supposed to develop any feelings to even begin with ? Rough!. Anyway, I knew the constant communication had to stop at some point. Mr, lets call him Mr O, confessed his feelings at some point but that was not enough because it was a mere declaration rather than a plan. I didestablish though that we were equally attracted to each other in an insane way. It was weird, I fell in love with an ideal husband that had no intention of taking a second wife nor leave his beautiful family. That experience right there taught me a valuable lesson: a man can have feelings or love more than one person at once not because there is something amiss in another relationship. The feelings he has for you are just directed to you without taking away from the other party's feelings. This however does not necessasitate a need for relationship. You can acknowledge his feelings for you and allow him to love you from a distance. Not all feelings need to be acted upon especially when there are kids involved. Mr O and I had a heated moment where we made out but nothing further happened as we both stopped ourselves. It was from that day on that we cut down on the texting because we realised what could potentially happen was wrong at all levels. I love him, he's a great guy, well mannered gentleman, ambitious, witty and altogether love. The kiss and hug we shared will forever remain special to me. Life is about choices and I could have chosen to pursue the feelings and take things further with Mr O, but at what cost? Love is love when you are able to letprople you love go, and that is what I chose to do and i continue with life carrying a clear conscience because i chose morals over feelings. Love will come for me and it will be for and not us to share. My journey to finding true love continues, it is out there. Goodnight 😊

Somebody to Love

it's the eve of 2021 winter season and guesa what Miss? Miss Noks is as single as single can be. Bleh. Life is genuinely good, I'm in great shape (well according to my standards), work is progressing well although could be better. The family is well, thankfully to God. My nieces and nephews are growing, I am indeed truly blessed. I often feel petty when I start going off about my single status but I console myself with the knowledge that majority of people in relationships have compromised A LOT of their general standards! (i am not a hater,). Anyway, moments of loneliness and longing for true love hit me from time to time but I'm not desperate enough to sell myself short. Men are there, oh there's plenty of them. In May aone I've been to 3 dates, yeah. One guy we clicked so much that we went on a second date the very same weekend as the first one, cute right? We even held hands, it was the sweetest. Don't ask me what's happened because the communication is there but not entirely satisfactory. i feel like im being kept in a corner close enough for reach but far enough to not be a bother. So my hands are tied, i thought i was finally getting myself a boyfriend!! My theme has been: Get lost in the sauce Noks. Well the sauce ain't coming and I'm getting a little worn down. I do worry at times about not having the best sex of my life in my 30s, i have 2 years left of it and i have to make the best of it but somehow the universe refuses! well, it's Monday evening I am on my phone with a red candle burning by my bedside (nothing symbolic, there is no electricity in my neighborhood we are going through what they call Loadshedding) the power should be back soon. So during the time in this semi-darkness i have watched this beautifully written series Fleabag on Prime Video and listened to a soapy love song by the Bala Brothers- Somebody to Love (hence the title of this post). I think i will be casting the message out there for people to help me find somebody to love. I have so much love in my heart but it cannot be just anybody. I love myself

Beware of People who use you as their escape

Men and women come into each other's lives for many different reasons. There are those that come into your life with genuine intentions such as friendship, companionship, partnership, family etc. This post will focus on those species that come into your life pretending to be something else only to use you to fulfil their selfish wants. Ypu know that one person that you chat to almost daily but months go by without ever actually making time for each other? Yes, that particular person. I have personally come across this behaviour from particularly married men and I would like to warn my dear single ladies or single gents to look out for such characters. I know gents also have that one girl that always chats to them, pours out their life and troubles but nothing ever really materializes. Here's the deal, the people that do this may be consciously or subconsciously doing this. Some may genuinely enjoy your company ( which is often the case) but then you'll ask: what's wrong with that then? Well, this becomes wrong when you realise the following: 1. These people will speak to you at their own terms e.g. they are always the ones starting the conversation and expect you to respond with the same energy as theirs BUT should you initiate a conversationat at a time that is convenient to you, you will be met with an unanswered text for over an hour or day or so. 2. The conversation will almost always be one sided where you listen to how hectic their work is, what they want to do, their future plans, current plans (which by the way do not include you). All you can do about this is smile and be supportive. 3. They are hardly ever available for physical engagements, but they can chat to you all day without fail just dare not want anything more. 4. They will update you about all their goings on in their life, you will start to feel like you are part of their lives whereas you are not. its all a facade. They are not available, they are merely using you as their escape. Yes! this brings me to my point, an escape, that is what you become or are. An escape from their daily boring conversation with their spouse, an escape from their stressful day or life, an escape from their busy schedule that is packed with all the activities you may even be wishing for (date nights, fetching kids from school, birthday parties etc.), you become their virtual shoulder to cry on, their confidant because somehow they actually trust you with their secrets. You have created a very safe environment that makes you their first go-to person. They may throw in a charm here and there in your direction and you'll feel special. You must know that it is not real because nothing ever comes of it or nothing ever will. They will not share the nitty grittys of their relationship that they are so committed to yet feel a need to "escape" from once in a while using you dearest. There is a danger in becoming comfortable with such situations because nothing ever comes of it and nothing ever will. No one will leave their cushy life with a few bumps here and there and come join forces with your single self. Know when you are being used as an escape, Avoid being an escape toy or dustbin where married people with full lives (not to say that your single life is empty) come to dump all their troubles into. Do not become emotionally attached to such people because they are bound to leave you hurt and empty. Some are genuinely great people but great people do not use others for their personal gain. A virtual lover will not bear any fruit, remember that. The journey of a single lady continues, the lessons continue to come. Be vigilant always. Share your encounters.

Ladies, let's be honest

Ladies, let us be honest for a bit. There is no way that we are always claiming innocence after breakups. It is time we did some introspection and admitted to our contribution to the breakup. There is absolutely no way that gents are always to be blamed for our breakups. Have you ever sat back and asked yourself the following questions?: 1. How was my self-esteem during this relationship? 2. My decision making mechanism, did it resemble that of a lady that could build a home one day? 3. Financial management, did i manage my finances in a manner that expressed responsibility and maturity? 4. What did i ever do for the guy? Were there any ideas that you came up with? Or you just always waited on the guy to "entertain " you? 5. How are is your relationship with friends and family? Do you nurture relationships? Do hou go out of your way to be there for others i.e birthday parties, baby showers, funerals, weddings etc. 6. Do you look after yourself, healthwise? Do you care for your image? Do you care about the state of your house? These are some, but not limtied to, examples of questions you can ask yourself as a lady to check if you were honestly the good quality girlfirend that your ex would have appreciated yiu to be. It can sound meaningless to some but guys are often simple beings. They are not looking for their buddy, or child to look after. Instead they also look for a lady that loves herself, respects herself, cares for others, compliments their partner. Contributes positively in the building of a solid relationship. We cannot relax and expect miracles just because we are somewhat pretty to look at. The pretty face needs to be accompanied by a warm heart, cleanliness, good self esteem, sound and well thought out life decisions. As we move to new relationships or manoeuvre our way in our relationships, let us be mjndlful of our contribution. Always aim to buold and sustain. Love is the greatest gift of all. Let us nurture it 💞

How will you know when She is not that into you?

It has been years since i logged on here. i am still alive and well. Life is going on but certain things have evolved. I have come to notice that our dear darkie brothers (black guys) are still clueless when it comes to identifying signs from a girl that is into them from those who aren't. I once posted on this but i feel it i need remind a few people. It's 2020 and there is no way that I going to sit back and watch darkie brothers fooling themselves only to gain nothing in the end. So here are a few signs that one can look out for when they have been talking with a girl for some time but not much is happening: 1. If she never agrees to your dates that you have gone out of your way to plan, she probably doesn't want to be seen in public with you. This girl will often want to suggest things such as going out for drinks at loud places where no one cares who's with whom.If she agrees to your lunch/dinner date she would probably not make much effort to look good etc. 2. If she does not sleep with you (obviously this only applies after some time of dating), now don't get me wrong on this one. There are girls who have chosen abstinence, so you will need to understand first before you apply this rule. You often hear of girls that were not sleeping with their boyfriends during the 6 months of dating but somehow managed to get impregnated by another guy. it does not need to get to that stage if your eyes are open. Always remember to be respectful though whatever her choice is. 3. If a girl never asks you any personal question e.g. about your family, well-being, your interests etc. chances are she is self absorbed and does not really care about getting to know you. 4. If after you have shared your likes and dislikes and she continues to do the opposite at every opportunity, she is definitely not into. Girls like to impress just like guys. If we hear that a guy loves his toasted cheese sandwich, you will find us at a grocery store buying the most delicious cheese and the freshest bread to make you that special favorite sandwich. If you find that after some time of dating she is still not catching on what you like or dislike, that girl does not care much about you brother. 5. if she never initiates conversation with you after days of getting to know each other, she is not interested in your well being. 6. If she calls you by the following names: bhuti, abuti, bro etc. If she like you, she will even call you by your clan names or just use your name. 7. If she never cooks for you, this cooking includes even frying eggs for breakfast or even warming up leftovers. Forget it, she isn't into you. We are nurturer by nature and we wouldn't starve our men if we woke up with them. TBC

2014 Relationship lessons

2014 has been a splendid year, with its challenges and blessings, I can safely say that I am happy it happened. I have not been lucky in love yet, but have met some individuals who have contributed to my life lessons regarding heart matters. So I'd like to share a few lessons learnt in 2014 (this sounds like project closure, LOL): 1. As a lady, never be apologetic for who you are, your standards and your goals. 2. Know what you what want , always, so that you will be able to attract your hearts desire. 3. Never be afraid to communicate your intentions and what you want from the other person. 4. Be clear in your communication, call a spade a spade in the most polite manner, off course. 5. Never blame anyone (your partner) for your choices. Be responsible in your decision making. If you choose to compromise on something for your guy, don't go running and complaining about the same thing you agreed to compromise on. If you make a decision, Stick with it! 6. Trust your gut feel. listen to your instincts! If something doesn't sound or feel right, query it/investigate/talk to someone, don't just assume it will get better or disappear with time. No honey, I'm afraid you have to deal with it head on and be satisfied that you have resolved it. Trust your instincts. 7. Forgive these guys, yes I know I said it, Forgive. Some things can be forgiven, therefore choose wisely so that whatever you forgive, you can live with. 8. Love yourself, be happy with you before go bringing in another person into your life. Never make the mistake of thinking that the man you will meet will be responsible for your happiness. He is there to share in the happiness with you, so that together you can be one happy element. Lastly you must know this ( I know its been said a hundred times) but the signs are always there of whether the guy is genuine/for real or not/ if he's into you or not: 1. If he is a bad communicator, or does not make any effort to improve his bad communication skills, HE IS BAD NEWS! RUN!. I will not elaborate any further here. 2. If after you've met a guy and he's told you about how interested he is in you but then never makes time to be with you and instead gives you "I'm busy stories" he's shady, RUN. A guy who's just met you will want to use any chance to be around you, because he is interested, he wants to know you, he wants to spend time with you so he will make time. Simple. He will try by all means to be with you because he is interested. Don't be fooled. 3. Look out for bad manners , a guy with bad manners has potential of being aggressive, have anger issues and the likes. You do not need that in your life, trust me. If he says he is going to do something and doesn't get around to doing BUT still does not apologise, that IS bad manners. Everyone makes mistakes but it is those that have enough decency to acknowledge their mistakes and work towards rectifying them. 4. If he rushes to have sex on the first few dates, chances are he will not last. You just be a hit, and you must decide if that is what you want from him. Premature sex hardly ever result in long lasting relationships. Intentions and expectations need to clarified and be communicated before engaging in any sexual activities. The "thirst" has us all hostage, but if it is not just the thirst you are trying to quench, then don't be blinded by sexual acts thinking that it will turn into eternal love. The only eternal thing it will turn into is eternal thirst quenching. With all this said I still believe in love, I still have hope that there are gentleman out there who can love and be loved unconditionally. Love is all we need, but it need not be the end of our lives if we do not find it! I do love love...

Lipstick

Its Women's Day! And what a great way to spend my day then to be at home. Its a Friday,I woke up late, showered, cleaned my house and had a late breakfast. Awesome day. Im in a fantastic mood, just knowing that i am woman and our entire country is celebrating us. One of the things i strongly feel define us as women is our beautiful tool : Lipstick. Lipstick makes a woman, it contributes to her confidence and brings about a sense of contentment and hope. Hope that says everything will be ok. Satisfaction that says:I am a woman, i do not need verification. I am a woman. The beauty that is brought about by that simple smear of color is phenomenal. The colour of the softness and nurturing soul of a woman is highlighted through the aura that lipstick wearer she exudes. Theres joy about a woman with lipstick on, Have you ever seen a grumpy looking woman with lipstick on? I hardly think so. You cant help but smile when you have Lipstick on, the coloured soul jumps out and takes over. There is nothing more sexy than stopping in the middle if traffic and quickly applying a dab of color on your lips before the traffic light turns green. Its a show-stopper moment. Men drool and smile at you, that moment gives any woman an instant spring! You would have to try it to believe it. Sitting in the train waiting for it to Take off, then remembering to touch up your lipstick. That, my friend, separates woman from girls, those around you look at you with envy because that is definately an act of boldness. Girls shift uncomfortably in their seats whilst the men around shake their heads with smiles in realization and appreciation of the difference in sexes. These are the small moments that may be looked down upon but make a big difference on the bearer of the lipstick. I know all of this because i am a lipstick bearer and Wearer. On this Women's Day, dear flowers dont just shine, outshine! Get some color, get lipstick and be liberated. No matter how big your troubles are, put on some lipstick and you will feel better. Your mind will be clearer, you will reach the solution of your troubles with ease. Let us release the power that is in this dynamite tool. LIPSTICK Happy Women's day dear flowers. :♡♥♡