Still holding on....

Good evening, its been a minute! Well, im alive and well but lately overwhelmed with feelings of how vanilla my life is. i feel like I'm a spectator of people's lives, just always having to pick up my jaw from the floor, because wow! people are wild out there. Firstly, let me rectract the so called crush i thought i had on that yellow bone cutie on the TL. nope, it was just a silly crush, boy am i glad nothing caught on. Secondly, i have decided to basically date them all (and sleep with none of them, i know how y'all can't differentiate these things). if you find yourself talking to more than one guy at once rather talk to them all. they are not consistent and somehow the serious one will then remain if they are serious all the flacky bs will vanish. anyway, i still have no lover 😥. work is hectic but still manageable. I've been exercising quite consistently since the start of August. my body is firm, that's all...no weightloss *sigh* anyway, i have no ailments so im grateful. i thought getting off patch would shed off some weight brought on by it. eish, being a black women can be so hard. year 40 is going on and almost over yet I'm wasting away (read:lack of coitus) what kind of life is this?? something has to change 🤔 i joined that boardroom dating apps and my agemates are nowhere to be found!! i matched with one, we haven't met as yet. he's from Gqebehra and you know what they say about guys from there, so ill be cautious. i once had a date with one of the boys from and he asked that we split a very menial bill😳. i was shocked! i wanted to settle it in full to spite him but i then decided against it. in fact, I'll tell this one why im sceptical just as a warning so he won't try that nonsense with me. the December shutdown is upon us and i need a beach holiday. ⛱️ its been a year and a half, sexless and all. im literally a walking hormone, thank goodness im a lady and have the ability to practice restraint. I'd sleeping with anything if i were a guy🤣 those ones lack restraint. anything goes with them. i haven't decided what will be on this year's Christmas lunch menu, i had hoped to spend it at a different household like my in laws or something like that *sigh*. i also haven't decided what hairstyle to do for December, ey man, December is an event for us South Africans 😂 the outfits are planned in advance, a budget is set aside etc. its a lot that goes on. the planning will start soon. With all that said, i remain grateful for my vanilla life as i continue to look for ways to make it more colourful. i need colour, i must have colour lest i die! 🥺 now wouldn't that be a shame! 1 need to start saving for my vacation in Mauritius 🇲🇺 where I'll be shaking my booty, in a thong, in a yatch! hahaha Let's see what this weekend holds, i need serious rest but also an outing of sorts. staying indoors and within my comfort zones will get me no colour! Adios 💖

2023 first half review

It's become common that i update my blog on Fridays, i wonder why. Today marks end of the first half of 2023, whoa! time sure does fly. Let's rate the status of this 40 year old spinster: Contentment level:8 out of 10 (overall) Relationships: 0 (thumbs down) Failed talking stage: 1 Crushes: 1 ( there's a handsome guy on my TL that loves everything guns, Lord if he were to DM i wouldn't be able to stop myself) Kisses: 0 (crying face). Dates: 1 lousy coffee date from that failed talking stage , which therefore doesn't even count as a date. hell Vacation: 1 Work: is good, still growing and being given a seat at thee tables. Bless the Loed foe that. The one things that's truly non issue right now. Fitness: rather low (winter is my excuse) still sexy though Hoes: eish, I'd say i have a third od a hoe. this hoe is damn inconsistent i can count thw pokes in one hand at my damn age. so nonexistent, basically. Now going into the second and last hald of the year, i need another holiday and definitely kisses. Lord i am now praying for thw kisses, how a lady can go through a drought of kisses is beyond but hey, im in no business of kissing frogs but hell if all there is is frogs then what is a lady supposed to do. i need better motivation for my fitness, do the bike at least twice a week. the laziness must fall! *candles to more kisses, passionate kisses, kisses without pokes. i need a new hoe. One funny thing i have observed though is thag i am in no way desperate, i want what i want and i will get what i want. So people make the mistake of thinking that i can or need to take anything with a willy that comes my way. oh hell never. the last talking stage was rather old and boring. He had zero game and all he did was to shower me with WhatsApp texts of how much he still loves, hell! Is love not an action? Last i checked it was. You can proclaim your love all you want but, if there is no action accompanying that then you may as well stop with that silly mission. Let me enjoy my Friday, i just ran out of vodka 🙃 which was the drink of choice for tonight (i was purposely avoiding the red wine, knowing the horniness it comes with). I am alive, well, noutished, healthy and still loving myself. Kisses

40 and fabulously......?

The year is 2023 and it looks like i skipped an entire year of not posting a single blog post. 2022 was rather vanilla yet masked wigh a few tragedies. i lost my dearest grandmother and my brother. i guess that explains the space i was in. My love life was flat and actually nonexistent(facepalm) Fast forward to 2023, i turned 40 and look gorgeous as ever(if i say so myself). i have put on some weight though, can you blame me, I'm literally stress free (in the heart matters that is, because i believe that is what tends to affects ones health). i am healthy, i have checked my vitals althou all clear, but i was shocked to learn of my raised blood pressure which i am now closely monitoring. A shock, i tell you. my skin is banging though, my thighs and butt firm (no jelly moves hahaha) a blessing. I love myself nonetheless. Being 40 has been great so far, I exude more confidence. I am appreciative of those who look up to me as a guide, those who value my opinion and input, be it work or social related. It is truly heartwarming. I am sure you are wondering what is happening with my love life (sigh) well it is nonexistent (cries). The pokes don't come by easily, kisses are a rare phenomenon! how on earth did i get here, you ask? Well, its not like there are no gents, there are but those who dare approach are just wack or too young (cries again) I don't even think I've had a kiss all year and we are halfway though, my 40th has not been as colourful as I thoughht. It may still change, i am crossing fingers. One thing that has changed drastically is my going out, i no longer go out as i used to, well who would in this current economy. on Fridays i always feel exhausted from the week's activities, which are mostly work and a bit of exercise, i end up heading straight home to my couch and a glass of my favorite wine or homemade cosmos. I basically lead a routine which I have comfortably settled into. I still read twitter, a lot. it keeps the lonely at bay I suppose. interacting with all those strangers who some have become my daily interacts. I appreciate every single one of those who care to engage, they dont know how much that does for a single lady after a long day at the office l, bless them. Now what is to be done with this colourless life of mine? I think of Bridget Jones a lot who, after years of struggling with finding love, she lets her hair down at some rave camp weekend only to find herself in the arms of her true love. love is worth the wait, I believe, mine is also coming and when it does; it will be dreamy (daydreams). For now, I am here 40, single, glowing, content, curvy hopeful and absolutely fucking fabulous. I am so grateful for not being one of those who are driven by desperation. it is truly amazing. i commend myself. some have had the audacity to ask me why I dont just have a kid (darkies, sigh) imagine! so basically they are suggesting that I hook up with a stranger and find myself pregnant. horrific! we do not want the same things in the same fashion and that is okay. I just smile at such questions, honestly. My only one fear with meeting a person now at my big age is that I may just meet someone much older and the pokes may not be able to meet/match the hunger i possess. that is honestly my worst fear (God forbid). My sister tried to hook me up with a much older guy who was looking for a wife, my fear creeped in and I just couldn't. Men have ailments and I honestly want to be given a break to enjoy my man before I look after his diabetes and gout (cry face). That is a fair ask, surely. Here's to a blissfull 2023 and a fabulous life of a 40 year old spinster (am I a spinster yet?) I don't have cats though, so maybe not so much of one me thinks. Let me finish my vodka and cranberry before I head to bed. i promise to come back soon ...💕

High morals, High Discipline

Being a single modern black lady continues but I'd like to share a bit about suppressed and forbidden feelings. The hard part of single life that no one prepares you for. My morals are sky high and i do not compromise when it comes to that, hard as it may be. Being hit on by married men is uncomfortable and disheartening until there is just that one that you click with on all levels. Emotionally socially, physically and mentally. Married men hot on me a lot more than single guys do(a sad stateof affairs) but I always stand my moral high ground. My motto is: if I were married, would I like it if my husband did that behind my back and everything stops ✋. I tell myself, one day I will be married and I want good karma only and so i sow a seed of goodness i.e. resist advances from married men at all cost. Now as much as i am this highly morale lady, this one guy i mentioned earlier almost made me lose my cool. The communication was on point, meaning we got each other. There was no need of explaining texts because both of us would get it. The humouor, the banter, the wit all flowed. Our conversations always left me with a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling. We didnt live far from each other but we seldom ever saw each other physically. For me this was deliberate because the guy has a family which i wouldn't want to bump into in awkwardness and honestly our interaction was only just chats (texts). We would joke around about meeting up for a drink or whatever but it never actually materialized but our texts continued. A day wouldn't go by without our texts which would go on until we both send goodnight texts. The texts were not overwhelming but rather a pleasant daily dose of smiles. Man, I could feel myself falling but I knew there was nothing of material that would come of it. At some point i honestly thought i was in love or we were both in love via texts, odd right ? or rather silly either way it felt good. I grew fond of the guy, he adores his family. Never uttered a bad word about them, a great dad, a hardworking and loving husband who still maintained date nights with the Mrs. Those date nights are precisely what made me realise that I may have developed a tad too much feelings for an unavailable guy than what I was supposed to. Was i even supposed to develop any feelings to even begin with ? Rough!. Anyway, I knew the constant communication had to stop at some point. Mr, lets call him Mr O, confessed his feelings at some point but that was not enough because it was a mere declaration rather than a plan. I didestablish though that we were equally attracted to each other in an insane way. It was weird, I fell in love with an ideal husband that had no intention of taking a second wife nor leave his beautiful family. That experience right there taught me a valuable lesson: a man can have feelings or love more than one person at once not because there is something amiss in another relationship. The feelings he has for you are just directed to you without taking away from the other party's feelings. This however does not necessasitate a need for relationship. You can acknowledge his feelings for you and allow him to love you from a distance. Not all feelings need to be acted upon especially when there are kids involved. Mr O and I had a heated moment where we made out but nothing further happened as we both stopped ourselves. It was from that day on that we cut down on the texting because we realised what could potentially happen was wrong at all levels. I love him, he's a great guy, well mannered gentleman, ambitious, witty and altogether love. The kiss and hug we shared will forever remain special to me. Life is about choices and I could have chosen to pursue the feelings and take things further with Mr O, but at what cost? Love is love when you are able to letprople you love go, and that is what I chose to do and i continue with life carrying a clear conscience because i chose morals over feelings. Love will come for me and it will be for and not us to share. My journey to finding true love continues, it is out there. Goodnight 😊

Somebody to Love

it's the eve of 2021 winter season and guesa what Miss? Miss Noks is as single as single can be. Bleh. Life is genuinely good, I'm in great shape (well according to my standards), work is progressing well although could be better. The family is well, thankfully to God. My nieces and nephews are growing, I am indeed truly blessed. I often feel petty when I start going off about my single status but I console myself with the knowledge that majority of people in relationships have compromised A LOT of their general standards! (i am not a hater,). Anyway, moments of loneliness and longing for true love hit me from time to time but I'm not desperate enough to sell myself short. Men are there, oh there's plenty of them. In May aone I've been to 3 dates, yeah. One guy we clicked so much that we went on a second date the very same weekend as the first one, cute right? We even held hands, it was the sweetest. Don't ask me what's happened because the communication is there but not entirely satisfactory. i feel like im being kept in a corner close enough for reach but far enough to not be a bother. So my hands are tied, i thought i was finally getting myself a boyfriend!! My theme has been: Get lost in the sauce Noks. Well the sauce ain't coming and I'm getting a little worn down. I do worry at times about not having the best sex of my life in my 30s, i have 2 years left of it and i have to make the best of it but somehow the universe refuses! well, it's Monday evening I am on my phone with a red candle burning by my bedside (nothing symbolic, there is no electricity in my neighborhood we are going through what they call Loadshedding) the power should be back soon. So during the time in this semi-darkness i have watched this beautifully written series Fleabag on Prime Video and listened to a soapy love song by the Bala Brothers- Somebody to Love (hence the title of this post). I think i will be casting the message out there for people to help me find somebody to love. I have so much love in my heart but it cannot be just anybody. I love myself

Beware of People who use you as their escape

Men and women come into each other's lives for many different reasons. There are those that come into your life with genuine intentions such as friendship, companionship, partnership, family etc. This post will focus on those species that come into your life pretending to be something else only to use you to fulfil their selfish wants. Ypu know that one person that you chat to almost daily but months go by without ever actually making time for each other? Yes, that particular person. I have personally come across this behaviour from particularly married men and I would like to warn my dear single ladies or single gents to look out for such characters. I know gents also have that one girl that always chats to them, pours out their life and troubles but nothing ever really materializes. Here's the deal, the people that do this may be consciously or subconsciously doing this. Some may genuinely enjoy your company ( which is often the case) but then you'll ask: what's wrong with that then? Well, this becomes wrong when you realise the following: 1. These people will speak to you at their own terms e.g. they are always the ones starting the conversation and expect you to respond with the same energy as theirs BUT should you initiate a conversationat at a time that is convenient to you, you will be met with an unanswered text for over an hour or day or so. 2. The conversation will almost always be one sided where you listen to how hectic their work is, what they want to do, their future plans, current plans (which by the way do not include you). All you can do about this is smile and be supportive. 3. They are hardly ever available for physical engagements, but they can chat to you all day without fail just dare not want anything more. 4. They will update you about all their goings on in their life, you will start to feel like you are part of their lives whereas you are not. its all a facade. They are not available, they are merely using you as their escape. Yes! this brings me to my point, an escape, that is what you become or are. An escape from their daily boring conversation with their spouse, an escape from their stressful day or life, an escape from their busy schedule that is packed with all the activities you may even be wishing for (date nights, fetching kids from school, birthday parties etc.), you become their virtual shoulder to cry on, their confidant because somehow they actually trust you with their secrets. You have created a very safe environment that makes you their first go-to person. They may throw in a charm here and there in your direction and you'll feel special. You must know that it is not real because nothing ever comes of it or nothing ever will. They will not share the nitty grittys of their relationship that they are so committed to yet feel a need to "escape" from once in a while using you dearest. There is a danger in becoming comfortable with such situations because nothing ever comes of it and nothing ever will. No one will leave their cushy life with a few bumps here and there and come join forces with your single self. Know when you are being used as an escape, Avoid being an escape toy or dustbin where married people with full lives (not to say that your single life is empty) come to dump all their troubles into. Do not become emotionally attached to such people because they are bound to leave you hurt and empty. Some are genuinely great people but great people do not use others for their personal gain. A virtual lover will not bear any fruit, remember that. The journey of a single lady continues, the lessons continue to come. Be vigilant always. Share your encounters.

Ladies, let's be honest

Ladies, let us be honest for a bit. There is no way that we are always claiming innocence after breakups. It is time we did some introspection and admitted to our contribution to the breakup. There is absolutely no way that gents are always to be blamed for our breakups. Have you ever sat back and asked yourself the following questions?: 1. How was my self-esteem during this relationship? 2. My decision making mechanism, did it resemble that of a lady that could build a home one day? 3. Financial management, did i manage my finances in a manner that expressed responsibility and maturity? 4. What did i ever do for the guy? Were there any ideas that you came up with? Or you just always waited on the guy to "entertain " you? 5. How are is your relationship with friends and family? Do you nurture relationships? Do hou go out of your way to be there for others i.e birthday parties, baby showers, funerals, weddings etc. 6. Do you look after yourself, healthwise? Do you care for your image? Do you care about the state of your house? These are some, but not limtied to, examples of questions you can ask yourself as a lady to check if you were honestly the good quality girlfirend that your ex would have appreciated yiu to be. It can sound meaningless to some but guys are often simple beings. They are not looking for their buddy, or child to look after. Instead they also look for a lady that loves herself, respects herself, cares for others, compliments their partner. Contributes positively in the building of a solid relationship. We cannot relax and expect miracles just because we are somewhat pretty to look at. The pretty face needs to be accompanied by a warm heart, cleanliness, good self esteem, sound and well thought out life decisions. As we move to new relationships or manoeuvre our way in our relationships, let us be mjndlful of our contribution. Always aim to buold and sustain. Love is the greatest gift of all. Let us nurture it 💞